WHY STALKERS STALK YOU
My last blog addresses a personal issue I am currently experiencing with stalkers. An ex from 13 years ago and his girlfriend, to be precise. For 11 years the lout completely disappeared off the face of the earth to avoid paying child-support, but then we found him and all hell broke loose. His arse was hauled to court and the stalking and obsessive behaviour started and has not abated since. What’s more concerning is the fact that his current girlfriend has joined in the stalking. Whoa! Creepy!!!
According to Wikipedia, “Psychologists often group individuals who stalk into two categories: psychotic and non-psychotic. Stalkers may have pre-existing psychotic disorders such as delusional disorder, schizoaffective disorder, or schizophrenia. Most stalkers are non-psychotic and may exhibit disorders or neuroses such as major depression, adjustment disorder, or substance dependence, as well as a variety of Axis II personality disorders (such as antisocial, avoidant, borderline, dependent, narcissistic, or paranoid). Some of the symptoms of "obsessing" over a person is part of obsessive compulsive personality disorder. The non-psychotic stalkers' pursuit of victims can be influenced by various psychological factors, including anger, hostility, projection of blame, obsession, dependency, minimization, denial, and jealousy. Conversely, as is more commonly the case, the stalker has no antipathic feelings towards the victim, but simply a longing that cannot be fulfilled due to deficiencies either in their personality or their society's norms.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stalking)
Moreover, in "A Study of Stalkers" Mullen et al.. (2000) identified five types of stalkers:
• Rejected stalkers pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination).
• Resentful stalkers pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims – motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.
• Intimacy seekers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To many of them the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were 'meant' to be together.
• Incompetent suitors, despite poor social or courting skills, have a fixation, or in some cases, a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else.
• Predatory stalkers spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack – often sexual – on the victim.
Even if you made bad relationship choices in the past (as I clearly did), that does not give your ex license to stalk you. Cyberstalking is often difficult to prove. Only when the stalkers actually leave comments on your pages or profiles or make public comments on the internet about you do you have any proof of the stalking. In my case I knew my ex and his girlfriend were stalking me as they simply knew far too much about my personal life. When the girlfriend started leaving abusive comments on one of my Facebook pages (and posted a copy of a letter I sent my ex a year ago about our son), that was all the proof I really needed. Telling a stalker to stop stalking you is like telling a fish to stop being a fish. All you can do is try to protect yourself and hope the person or persons dig a deep enough grave to fall into and expose and embarrass themselves in the process. And of course you can always get a court interdict against them, but if the stalkers are anything like mine, well, they have absolutely no regards for the law anyway. On the one hand I suppose one could feel flattered that people find you so fascinating, but on the other hand knowing that a severely damaged individual focuses so intently on your life does leave one feeling very “creeped” out. If anything I guess this is good fodder for a script for a Horror flik