You’d be forgiven for thinking I’m a man-hater when I tell you about the new device I’m about to launch. It’s the world’s first Arsehole Radar. Now before you start flinging insults at me and muttering abuses under your breath, let me explain how this device works and why you need it. Firstly, you need to appreciate that men and women are wired very differently. You’ve all heard me going on and on and on about Oxytocin and how it chemically bonds you to a man after sex. Well, this device is specially for those girls who cannot keep their knickers on but choose to give into temptation early on in the dating game. The reason they need it is because nothing much else penetrates their skulls after they’ve started doing the deed. You all know the drill. Your best friend is dating the Biggest Arsehole and she can’t see it. Why? Because she’s sleeping with the git and Oxytocin has completely clouded her judgement. You cannot tell her he’s an arsehole because then you risk losing the friendship. Oxytocin is very powerful indeed. So powerful that women would rather walk away from a 20 year friendship than see the Arsehole for what he is. So how do you know you need the Arsehole Radar? Simple. If you dived into the sack without REALLY getting to know the man, you need the Arsehole Radar!
So, here’s how the device works.
Every time your partner is being an arsehole, the device starts beeping. If he apologizes, the beeping stops and you can move along swiftly. If he doesn’t apologise but continues with his bad behaviour, the beeping gets louder and starts giving you a headache. The only way to make the beeping stop is to call him on his behaviour. If he becomes defensive or aggressive, the beeping gets louder. If he backs down and recognises his behaviour, the beeping stops. What’s really great about this device is that he hears the beeping as well. It’s actually great to have around because it can help train him to be a more polite and conscientious human being. The device is also great for carrying in your handbag when out on the town with your girlfriends. When guys approach you in a pub or club and try chat you up, the device will quickly work out if they are simply looking for a shag or actually trying to get to know you better. How? By reading the subtle energies emanating from their Chakra Centres. A guy who’s looking for a shag will be “vibrating” energy from his Base or Root Chakra and a guy who is trying to get to know you will be “vibrating” from his Spleen or Creativity Chakra. When the beeping starts, it’s time to turn your back or head for the door. Ignore the beeping at your own peril, for if you indulge a man who’s just looking for a shag, the Arsehole Radar becomes red hot and emits a foul smell. Of course, if you’re out looking for a shag, then I’d suggest you leave the device at home! This device is really great for women who cannot tell the difference between cheap flattery designed to get you into bed, and genuine compliments. Cheap flattery will also cause the device to beep which will cause you, in turn, to ignore said cheap flattery (hopefully). The most amazing thing about this device is it actually teaches you to spot arseholes. Eventually you will become good at spotting them and can pass your device onto women who haven’t yet learned to spot them. The device is small and discreet and can actually fit into a pocket or can be attached to your key-ring. The important thing is to keep the device with you at all times because you never know when you will be approached by an arsehole.
Pre-orders welcome!
www.amoursetter.com